Time to Revive a Dying Blog :) Wednesday, Jul 22 2009 

As some of you might know that I recently moved to Qatar. All of this happened so quickly that past three months of my life were totally overtaken in packing and moving. Leaving U.S., after spending almost 20 years of my life, was not as easy as I thought it would be and to be completely honest, it hasn’t really “sunk in” yet.

In my short stay of three years in Delaware I made many friends. And I didn’t realize how much I had gotten attached to them until I had to go through the painful process of departing from them. I don’t know if I will ever get to live with them again, but I hope and I pray that Allah azzawajal join us together in Jannat-ul-Firdous.

I had quite mixed feelings traveling to Qatar. As much as I had heard bad stories about this part of the world, I had heard good as well. My husband warned me to get used to a “discriminatory” treatment and forget about the “freedom of speech”.

When the plane landed, I got a dose of desi aunties’ pushing and literally jumping over my luggage and children to make it towards the front side of the plane. Funny when they all left the backside of the plane, the flight attendant opened the back door first. So we ended up getting off before them!

There was a lot of female staff at the airport. All of them had jilbab and hijab on, however, some of them had tons of make up on and were quite “flirtous”. I couldn’t help but notice that all the flirtous men form the staff were buzzing around them, but the same men dealt quite respectfully with the sober ladies.

Alhamdullialh, I got friendly and quite respectful treatment at the airport form the local security crowd. The lady who stamped our passport was nicely covered with no makeup and seemed amongst the conservative ones. Although she had a stern look on her face, when she asked me to pull down my niqaab she reciprocated a friendly smile.

Nature greeted us with a hot breeze as if I had just opened my oven. However, and surprisingly the heat was not “irritating” neither did it make us sweat as much as it used to in Houston.  Even the kids didn’t complain as much, especially my daughter who has severe eczema. Normally, I would have to fel ed her Benadryl to keep her from itching herself to bleed. I am not sure if the heat is “different” here or if we had psychologically prepared the kids too much. Nah, kids cannot be prepared enough.

My next venture was a trip to the mall. I don’t have a car and my temporary residence is walking distance from the mall.  Apparently the grocery store is inside the mall, and people actually walk around in the mall with their grocery carts!

I was not the only niqaabi in the mall. I sort of missed the “attention” *sight*. I was about to ask the lady in Burger King if the meat was halaal. I ate a double whooper. I even ate tiramisu from star bucks without having to fear of alcoholic ingredients. I am still trying to digest all the food I bought in excitement.

People don’t smile much though, neither do they exchange salaam as much. I suppose seeing other Muslims is not any specialty. I don’t want to lose my habit of saying salam to every hijaabi I see, but a friend warned that I will soon be mistaken for a beggar *roll eyes*

People don’t thank much either. I asked a Philippine worker about another store, she gave me directions, I thanked her but she looked at me as if she was obliged to tell me but I was doing her a favor by thanking her.

Women are usually addressed as ‘ma’am’ which sounds more like ‘m-o-m’ in a mixture of British and Indian accent. I got confused a few times why some of those men kept calling their ‘moms’ only to discover that they were trying to address me!

Based on my own personal observation,  niqaabis get special treatment. Firstly, people automatically assume they are locals. Men Arab men don’t make a direct eye contact. I, on the other hand, have a bad habit of looking right into the eyes, but if they are looking down I can look, right?!

Men Arab men not only move out of the way quickly but turn their backs at me. They also hold the door wide open but turn their faces 180 degrees away not leaving any room for me to thank them.  And this is when I am still wearing my “American” style colored niqaab and khimar. I need to buy the solid dark black Qatari style niqaab so I can “blend in” LOL.

The other day, when we were walking outside, I found myself lagging behind my husband who was running after our little one. Normally, he is very particular about me not walking behind him. I told him, “Just because you are in Qatar doesn’t mean you can make me walk behind you.” And he replied with a mischievous smile, “of course I can!”

I met some really nice Brit sisters and I enjoyed their English accent as well. I have a little difficulty understanding one particular sister who is from Wales and speaks in pure Welsh. She is very sweet mashaAllah, and I really wish when I talk to her, somehow, I can turn the subtitles on.

Rest later inshaAllah. Right now I am off on a school hunt for my kids, which is yet another story!

Afflictions: Which Level Are You On? Wednesday, Aug 13 2008 

People are upon 4 levels regarding the circumstances of affliction:


The First Level

Being angry, and this is in various ways:

The first type: That the anger is by the heart as if he is angry at his Lord. So he becomes angry with what Allah, subhanahu wa ta’ala, has decreed for him, and this (level) is haraam. And it is possible that this could lead to kufr (disbelief). Allah, subhanahu wa ta’ala, said:

“And among mankind is he who worships Allaah as it were, upon the very edge (i.e. in doubt); if good befalls him, he is content therewith; but if a trial befalls him, he turns back on his face (i.e. reverts back to disbelief after embracing Islaam). He loses both this world and the Hereafter.” – [Al-Hajj (22):11]

The second type: That the anger is by the tongue like making duaa for destruction or ruin and what is similar to that, and this is haraam.

The third type: That the anger is by the limbs like slapping the cheeks, ripping the clothes, pulling out hair, and similar to that, and all of this is haraam in contradiction to patience which is waajib (obligatory).

The Second Level:

Being patient, just as the poet said:

“Patience is like its name – bitter in taste, yet its outcomes are sweeter than honey.” So the person sees this thing (the affliction) weighs very heavy upon him, yet he bears it although he dislikes that it happened. Rather, his imaan bears it and restrains him from being angry. So the time of affliction and the time of no affliction is not the same to him, and this (level) is waajib, because Allah commanded the people to be patient, saying:

“…and be patient. Surely, Allah is with those who are As-Saabireen (the patient ones, etc.).” – [Al-Anfaal (8):46]


The Third Level:

Being pleased with the affliction in that the person is pleased with the affliction and whether it happened or not, it is the same to him so he it is not difficult upon him. He does not bear it as if it is something weighing heavy on him, and this (level) is mustahabb (preferred – between haraam and waajib) and it is not waajib according to the most correct opinion. The difference between this level and the one before it is apparent because the affliction happening or not happening is the same due to the pleasure of the one on this level. As for the level before it, the affliction is hard upon him, yet he remains patient over it.


The Fourth Level:

Thanking/being grateful and this is the highest level. This is that the person thanks Allah for the affliction which has struck him in that he knows that this affliction is an expiation for his sins and perhaps a cause for an increase in his good deeds. The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said:

“There is no affliction which strikes the Muslim except that Allaah expiates with it (sins), even with a thorn that may poke him.” (Recorded by Bukhaari and Muslim)

Written by/Said by: Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-’Uthaymeen (رحمه الله)
Taken from: Fataawa Arkaan al-Islaam – Fatwaa 64, page 126

Marriage and Beyond… Monday, Jul 7 2008 

I was asked to give a halaqah when I was visiting Houston last month. I used to have this halaqah every Tuesday when I was living there. It has continued, alhamdullialh, for more then 5 years now even after I left.

So, I prepared my talk about ‘Test and Trials’ but when I got there I learned that the host (where we were having the halaqah) wanted me to talk about marriage because her niece was getting married.

Great! I had to come up with some decent advice in 10 minutes. So I thought of sharing it with y’all…the experiments and experiences of my own life! Well….sort of!!

——-

Marriage is a relationship that brings two total strangers into a close bond which Allah azzawajal Blesses with love, tranquility, peace and mercy.

It is a relationship where haram becomes halal and whenever any nation turns away from this noble practice, she only leads herself towards destruction and misery.

It is a relationship in which Allah has blessed women with a status and security in the society which they may not get otherwise.

Marriage, however, is not how it is perceived in Hollywood movies or in fairy tales where a handsome prince charming comes galloping on his horse to his long awaited princess, she falls in his arms and their life becomes perfect, without any compromises or differences or disagreements and they live with each other happily ever after. Although the last part of the fairy tales of ‘happily ever after’ can happen, but along with divergence, conflicts and cooperation!

This last point needs to be drilled in our brides-to-be(s) minds because, as females, they have the tendency to read ‘Sense and Sensibility’ and ‘Pride and Prejudice’ a million times and long for a day when Mr. Darcy will appear on their doorsteps begging their fathers for their hand! But what happens when Mr. Darcy doesn’t appear but his mother comes instead. Or what happens when one day Mr. Darcy doesn’t want to take Mrs. Darcy to dinner outside although she was dressed so nicely and was looking gorgeous. Does it mean he doesn’t love her anymore?!

What we get missed on is the part after the “happily ever after” where a husband and a wife learn each other’s differences, compromise, negotiate, conciliate, not only take but give as well!

This missing part is the reality of the marriage. It doesn’t have to be ugly but it has to be practical which is, unfortunately, not shown in “You’ve Got Mail” that what happens when “I’ve Got a Husband” and “I Need to Get Along with Him”!

So, here is some advice for all the wives and wives-to-be. Remember that first and foremost it is for myself and then for others:

1. “My Responsibility”:

Always remember what your responsibility is. Don’t worry about what is his responsibility. When we start worrying about his, we tend to ignore ours. Allah azzawajal will not question us about his responsibilities; He will question us about ours.

2. “My Rights, Your Rights”:My Rights, Your Rights:

Don’t let the marriage come down to a point where everything is judged based on ‘my rights’ and ‘your rights’. Marriage should be above ‘what is my right’ and ‘what is not his right’. As one of my respected sheikh, Waleed Basyouni, once said that when a marriage comes down to ‘my right and your right’ then it is not really a marriage anymore. Marriage is more about what is given beyond ‘rights’ and is compromised when ‘less then my right’ is given!

3. Wife’s Powers!

Believe me, wives have a lot of power to manipulate. Just remember wisdom, patience and politeness. Combine these three elements and you can be the navigator without being in the driver’s seat!

Remember if a woman can mislead a man, she can do just the opposite too, bi idhnihi ta’ala.

4. Politeness Please!

What can be explained politely can never be explained otherwise. This is the time and place to use your charms! It doesn’t take away from your dignity or respect; in fact it makes you more respected when you are polite and gentle with your husband.

Although it is very difficult, but if the end results are kept in mind (i.e to make your husband agree with you) then it becomes easier to watch your tone and brush up your words.

5. Smile:

Keep smiling especially whenever your eyes meet your husband’s, pass a smile. It doesn’t hurt and it doesn’t cost anything. However, it does make you look attractive! And remember, whatever is said with a smile, holds a lot of weight.

6. Less NO Earns you More YES:

Deep advice, but this is what my husband told me in early years of our marriage.

If we give less “No” to them, for whatever they may ask for, then we will get more “Yes” from them when it is our turn to ask! Understand it, implement it and reap the fruits of it, and then make du’a for me! :)

7. Anger Management:

If your husband is angry then there is obviously no point to argue. You wont make sense to him and you will only waste your energy and valuable time arguing about something that can be put on hold for sometime.

If he is angry, then stop arguing. Don’t talk and walk away (not with an attitude though) or change the topic. If he insists, agree with him with whatever he is saying. If he is calling day night then call the day night. It wont hurt.

YES, I know it is very, VERY difficult and this point of advice is more for me to remember then anyone else but here is what can happen:

If you just stop arguing at the heat of the moment, and wait until he calms down and his mood becomes better then approach him about the same issue then most likely he will agree with you or will at least discuss the issue much more rationally then what he would have done in his “bad mood”!

8. Learn to “agree to disagree”:
Husband and wife are two different human beings. No matter how much love they share, they can still not be the “same” person. And two different people cannot see each and every aspect of life eye to eye. There will be differences and those differences do not HAVE to be resolved. If we learn to ‘agree to disagree’ then many arguments and fights can be avoided.

9. Ignore Petty Issues:

If you just given in and agree over petty issues, then the chances are that you will win over ‘bigger’ issues.

10. Save your Demands for More Important Issues:

If a wife becomes too demanding for every day normal issues then husband’s irritation is very much understandable. Imagine one of your child asking you to eat out every single day or every time you go out. What will happen? No matter how much you love your child, you will start saying “No” and if he/she nags you will eventually start ignoring him/her.

Now, imagine one of your children being very reserve with his/her demands and rarely ever asks to eat out. Then what happens when he/she asks you? It will be very difficult for you to say “No” because you would know that this child rarely ever asks. This can even be topped with the icing if the way of asking is extremely humble and apologetic!

I remember once I was gong to ask my husband something but then in the middle of asking I changed my mind. So I told him to forget it but he insisted that I tell him what I was going to ask for. I asked him why and he said, ‘because you only ask me for 2 things: 1. to take you to your mother’s house 2. to take you to Baskin Robins!”

This was 10 years ago, so I am not sure if he still thinks that way!!

11. Don’t Cry Over Every Other Issue:

Yes, we are females and we have LOTS of tears, way more then our husbands. But it does not mean that our eyes are faucets!

I remember one of my friends, who is happily married and has a good husband mashaAllah, was telling me how her tears are always ready to drop out. In the beginning her husband used to get worried and used to worry about her crying, but now, after 12 years of marriage, whenever she starts crying he keeps looking at his watch and keeps asking, ‘are you done yet?’

If this happens to “good” husbands, imagine what will happen to average or below average husbands! So keep this “tool” special and use it only when extremely needed, otherwise it will loose its value.

12. Tongue in Check:

I do not mean to sound “too demanding” of wives but if we can keep our tongues in check, we can be quite successful. It is tough but not impossible!

I heard a sister once tell of a story in a halaqah about a husband and wife:
“The wife one day left a chair by the front door. When the husband was leaving for work he bumped into the chair and asked his wife to move the chair back to its place. She forgot to move the chair and got busy with her every day chores of cooking and cleaning. When the husband came home and opened the door, the door bumped into the chair and hit husband’s leg. He got hurt and got upset at his wife nor not moving the chair.

There are two scenarios of how the wife reacted:

A. The wife got upset too that she forgot to move the chair because she had so much stuff to do at home, and if only he could understand her difficulties and hardships he would have moved the chair himself instead of asking her etc. etc. The argument went on and on and resulted in a divorce!

B. The wife swallowed the “bitter” attitude of her husband and instead of replying back in the same tone, she apologized for ‘forgetting’ to move the chair and rushed towards the husband to see if he was okay. She offered to massage his foot so he could feel better. Husband, too, calmly sat down and his wife started massaging his foot. Then slowly but gently she explained to him how she forgot because she got busy with household work etc. Husband started sharing with her what he did all day. Consequently, both of them had a nice time chit chatting with each other and so the husband apologized to her for getting upset at her and told her, “You know, may be you should just leave the chair there so I can get hurt every day and we can have this nice time every day!”

13. In-Laws:

A. Never complain to them about your husband.

B. Praise him in front of his family to boost his self-esteem.

C. Show extra respect to him in front of his family.

14. Your Mom & Your Husband:

Never complain to your mother about your husband. Why?

A husband and a wife my argue/fight with one another but not only they forgive each other later but even forget about it. But if the wife tells her mother, then the mother will not forget how he bothered her daughter! She will not only keep it in her heart but eventually will start disliking him.

On the other hand, a wife would want her mother to like her husband. If she ever finds out that her mother doesn’t like her husband (it is inevitable for a mother to hide her true feelings from her daughter) then she will either have problems with her mother or she will start noticing things in her husband that she may not have noticed otherwise. If you absolutely need to talk to someone, talk to a friend instead!

15. Solutions & Sympathies:

Men look for solutions, women want sympathies.

If you only want sympathies and praise then say it, SPELL IT OUT, otherwise husbands will not understand what you are looking for. Tell him: I only want you to sympathize with me or praise me or just say ‘thank you’ whenever I complain about such and such issue.

When I was home-schooling my children, I would complain to him often about my stressful schedule. He started asking me to put the kids in a Islamic school. His suggestion would always irritate me because I wasn’t looking for a “solution”, I was looking for one word, “JazakAllah khair” and once in a while one line of “praise”.

This was becoming a problem until we heard Sh. Yasir Birjas’s lecture on marriage once and he addressed this very issue. That day, walhamdullialh, he realized that I wasn’t looking for a “solution” and I realized that I need to say it very clearly when I just want his sympathies and praise and when I want a solution!

16. Learn to Spell Things Out Clearly & Loudly:

Don’t think that hey will ‘just know it’, like how it happens in the movies! Husbands are human beings. They don’t have revelations about our feelings, or desires or what we are looking for. Be precise and clear. Communicate your problem and suggest solutions that you would like to see.

17. Other Ways to Communicate:

If face to face communication is problematic because of your husband’s busy schedule or because you are short temper yourself etc. etc. then take advantage of technology.

A. Email him.

B. Text msg. him.

C. Make something nice that he likes, take it to him and leave a note besides the plate or under the cup.

D. Send the note with the lunch. Make sure that the lunch is delicious. The more delicious the lunch is, the more effective the note will be.

Once a brother was telling how his wife addressed his anger problem to him. He likes to drink tea while working on the computer, so she made the tea one day and left the note with the tea saying, “What you said in your anger, really hurt my feelings. Please don’t say it again.”

The message hit home and he said that he never repeated what he said in his anger to his wife again!

18. Set Your Priorities Right:

Know what is more important and what is less. Once a sister asked me about wearing niqab while her husband didn’t approve of it. So I told her that even if she believed it to be fard, there are valid opinions stating niqab to be ‘recommended’ only. However, there are no opinions that state obedience to husbands as ‘recommended’ only!

19. Complaining is Degrading:

Indeed, very difficult to implement, but let’s think about it: what do we get out of complaining except that it makes us look like whiners!

We all may have heard of Ibraheem (AS) story when he went to visit his son Ismaeel (AS). Ismaeel (AS) was not home and his wife didn’t recognize Ibraheem (AS). He asked her about their situation and she started complaining about poverty and how badly they were living etc. When Ibraheem (AS) left he told her to convey the message to Ismaeel (AS) to change his ‘door-frame’. When Ismaeel (AS) came back she told him of an old man who visited and told him to change his ‘door-frame’. Ismaeel (AS) asked her to describe the old man to him and when she did, he recognized that it was her father, the Prophet of Allah. He understood the meaning of his message, i.e. to divorce his wife.

When Ibraheem (AS) came to visit again Ismaeel (AS) had a different wife. He wasn’t home again and Ibraheem (AS) again asked the wife about their situation. She didn’t complain at all and thanked Allah for providing them with enough to be satisfied with, although, Ibraheem (AS) could see that they were living in poverty. When he was leaving he asked her to tell Ismaeel (AS) that his ‘door-frame’ is good and to keep it and take care of it!

20. Benefit of Doubt:

Yes our husbands also have the same rights over us as the other Muslims do and to give benefit of doubt is a primary right of a Muslim over another. So imagine that how much more so our husbands deserver it. Sadly we rarely ever give them any!

Don’t ever let shyataan play around with your mind and put doubts against your husband. If you cannot give him benefit of doubt then make sure that you address the issue and ask for clarifications to replace any doubts.

Explain to him that you ask for clarifications because you were having doubts and that you do not want to hold any grudges against him.

21: You are His Clothing:

Understand that you are his ‘libaas’ (clothing) as stated in Qur’an. Our clothes hide our bodies from other’s eyes, including any defect or marks that we may have. In fact, not only clothing keeps us ‘covered’ in front of others, it makes us look attractive and presentable in front of other people!

It is similar to being a spouse. Being a spouse is the most intimate relationship and every spouse knows of each others’ weaknesses quite well. It is a duty upon us to hide our husband’s weaknesses and “present” them in a praiseworthy manner to others, i.e. only talk about their good habits and hide their weak points.

22. Intimacy and Your Duty as a Wife:

Respond to his call. There are enough controversies about this issue, so just read this.

Moreover, show interest in sexual life and desire him.

Keep your shyness aside; be shy in front of others not with your husband. Initiate intimacy so he feels wanted. Learn and do things to spice up your relationship!

Take care of yourself. There is nothing wrong in buying intimate clothes. Victoria Secrets is having their annual sale right now, and they have it every year in summer! Marshall’s and Ross have similar stuff with awesome prices!

Work out. It is not only for “overweight” people. Skinny people can be out of shape. So, to stay healthy, in shape and active, start working out regularly.

23. Don’t Sleep Angry:

The Prophet of Allah, sallallahu alihi wasalam, said:

“Your women from the people of Paradise are the beloved and fertile, the one who is an asset to her husband, who if her husband becomes angry – comes and places her hand in the hand of her husband and says, ‘I will not taste sleep until you are pleased (with me).’”

No doubt it seems very hard and degrading, especially when the husband is wrong, but try doing it once in a while and you will notice that not only it feels good (knowing that you are doing an act of a person from paradise) but it will even embarrass the husband and he may not admit it but he will feel ashamed in his heart, inshaAllah!

23. Make Du’a:

Indeed, it is the strongest tool to safeguard a marriage!

  1. Always make dua’ that Allah puts love in his heart for you and in your heart for him.
  2. If you ever get stuck in a situation where you really don’t want to do something but your husbands insists, then turn to Allah and ask for help. This is the easiest solution then fighting and arguing.

These are just a few tips not all the tips. If anyone else has any more suggestions or advice, please feel free to do so!

Level of Prayer…where do we stand? Monday, Jun 30 2008 

Ibn al-Qayyim (رحمالله) said:
And mankind, with regard to their performance of prayer are in five levels:

The First: The level of the one who is negligent and wrongs his soul: He is the one who falls short in performing wudu properly, performing the prayer upon its time and within its specified limits, and in fulfilling its essential pillars.

The Second: The one who guards his prayers upon their proper times and within their specified limits,
fulfills their essential pillars and performs his wudoo with care. However, his striving (in achieving the above) is wasted due whisperings in his prayer so he is taken away by thoughts and ideas.

The Third: The one who guards his prayers within the specified limits, fulfills their essential pillars
and strives with himself to repel the whisperings, thoughts and ideas. He is busy struggling against
his enemy (shaytaan) so that he does not steal from the prayer. On account of this he is engaged in
(both) prayer and jihad.

The Fourth: The one who stands for the prayer, completes and perfects its due rights, its essential pillars,
performs it within its specified limits and his heart becomes engrossed in safeguarding its rights and specified limits, so that nothing is wasted from it. His whole concern is directed towards its establishment, its completion and its perfection, as it should be. His heart is immersed in the prayer and in enslavement to his Lord the Exalted.

The Fifth: The one who stands for the prayer like the one mentioned above. However, on top of this, he has taken and placed his heart in front of his Lord (عز وجل), looking towards Him with his heart with anticipation, (his heart) filled with His Love and His might, as if he sees and witnesses Allah. The whisperings, thoughts and ideas have vanished and the coverings which are between him and his Lord are raised. What is between this person and others with respect to the prayer, is superior and greater than what is between the heavens and the earth. This person is busy with his Lord (عز وجل), delighted with Him.

The First type will be punished,
the second type will be held to account,
the third will have his sins and shortcomings expiated,
the fourth will be rewarded and
the fifth will be close to his Lord, because he will receive the portion of the
one who makes his prayer the delight and pleasure of his eye. Whoever makes his prayer,the delight and pleasure of his eye, will have the nearness to his Lord (عز وجل) made the delight and pleasure of his eye in the hereafter. He will also be made a pleasure to the eye in this world since whoever makes Allah the pleasure of his eye in this world, every other eye will become delighted and pleased with him.

So, what level are you?
Source: Excerpted from Ibn al-Qayyim’s book al-Wabil al-Sayyib

Still Alive! Monday, Jun 30 2008 

Yes I am! Those who were wondering what happened…well I went to visit home, the H-town…i.e. Houston!! Can u believe it, I went there after 1.5 years!!!

It was a very nice trip. Originally I went there for 2 weeks but ended up staying for 4 weeks instead. I must say that once anyone had the opportunity to live in Houston no other place, at least in US, can be as enjoyable. One thing both me and my husband agreed on is that if our move to over-seas doesn’t work out, we are definitely going back to Houston inshaAllah!

My elder brother, with his family, joined me in Houston from Saudi. It was fun and kids had a blast with their cousins. My mother, of course, treasured every moment with her children and grand-children. The toughest moment for me was to leave my mother when I was coming back.

My brother flew with me along with his family and stayed here for 10 days. We were touring outside most of the days.  The next day after my brother left, Allah azzawajal blessed us with more guests. They stayed with us until Sunday.

So, today was my first “normal” day! I think me and kids will take this whole week to get back on schedule and get over all the tiredness.

Tricks of Shaytaan: Procrastination & Laziness Thursday, Mar 27 2008 

This is a nice reminder from As-Sunnah Newsletter.

Shaytaan attempts to make people negligent or exaggerate in the religion;
and causes them to be lazy and delay performing good deeds

Shaytaan attempts to either make people negligent or exaggerate in their religion: 

Ibnul-Qayyim said, ‘There is nothing that Allah has enjoined, but Shaytan has ways of dealing with it, either by inclining (people) towards falling short and being negligence or excessive and exaggeration. He does not care which of these two mistakes a person makes. So he may come to a person’s heart and check it out, and if he finds that he is lazy, negligent and looking for concessions, then he goes along with that. He holds him back and stops him from doing things; he makes him lazy, indifferent and negligent, and encourages him to seek alternative interpretations and hope for forgiveness etc., until a person may give up doing all things that have been enjoined.

However, if he finds that a person is cautious and serious, and that he is enthusiastic and capable, he despairs of succeeding with him on that front. So he urges him to strive to excess, and makes him think that this is not sufficient and that he has higher ambitions than that, and that he has to do more than others do. So he tells them, do not go to sleep, when they go to sleep; do not break your fast when they break their fast; do not flag when they flag; if one of them washes his hands and face three times, then you should wash them seven times; if he does Wudhu for every prayer then you should do ghusl for it, and other kinds of exaggeration and excess.

He makes him go to extremes and go beyond the straight path, just like he makes the first person fall short and not come anywhere near it. His aim in both cases is to steer both of them away from the straight path, one by not letting him approach it or come anywhere near it, and the other by making him go too far and overstep the mark. In this way, most people have been tempted and nothing can save a person from that except deeply rooted knowledge, faith and power to resist him (Shaytan) and adherence to the middle course. And Allah is the One Whose Help we seek.’ [al-Wabil as-Sayyib, p.19]

Shaytaan causes people to procrastinate, be lazy and delay performing good deeds: 

One of the ways in which Shaytan does this is mentioned in the hadeeth recorded in Saheeh al-Bukharee from Abu Hurayrah (radhi allahu anhu), who said that the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said,

‘Shaytan puts three knots at the back of the head of any of you if he is asleep. On every knot he reads and exhales the following words, ‘The night is long, so stay asleep.’ When one wakes up and remembers Allah, one knot is undone; and when one performs ablution, the second knot is undone, and when one prays the third knot is undone and one gets up energetic with a good heart in the morning; otherwise one gets up lazy and with a mischievous heart.’ [Saheeh al-Bukharee (21/243)]

Shaytan causes people to forget the truth and the Commands of Allah. ‘Shaytan has overtaken them. So he has made them forget the remembrance of Allah. They are the party of Shaytan…’ [Soorah al-Mujadilah (58): 19] But as soon as we remember, we should strive to leave that which distracted us from the remembrance of Allah and His Commands as the Qur’aan commands us, ‘If Shaytan causes you to forget, then do not sit after the remembrance in the company of the wrong-doers.’ [Soorah al-An'am (6): 68]

Ibn Jawzi (rahimahullah) mentions how Shaytan makes one procrastinate and lazy, ‘…he makes sinner put off repenting, and he keeps him indulging in his desires, telling him that one day he could repent… Perhaps, a faqeeh intends to revise some topic, but he says, ‘Rest for a while,’ or he sees a worshipper waking up at night to pray, and he tells him, ‘You have plenty of time.’ He keeps on making people like being lazy, or put off doing good deeds, and he deceives them by telling them that they have plenty of time and a lot of hope.

So the one who wants to do some good deed should carry out his action with determination and resolve. Resolve means not wasting time and not delaying things. He should forget about the idea of having plenty of time because the one who has been warned (of the punishment of Allah) should not be assured. What you miss, you cannot make up for it. The reason for every shortcoming or inclination of evil is the belief that there is plenty of time and a lot of hope, because man keeps thinking of giving up evil and turning towards good, but delays. No doubt, whoever thinks that he has the whole day ahead of him will take his time, and whoever has the hope that he will still be there in the morning will do very little during the night, but the one who thinks of death as imminent will strive harder.’ [Talbees Iblees, p.458]

Taken from As-Sunnah Newsletter – http://www.qsep.com  As-Sunnah Vol. 2 Issue No. 11

 

Children & Vegetables Sunday, Mar 23 2008 

My children always have a problem with eating vegetables. Although, I tried to feed them vegetables from a young age, it seems like we are always struggling.
They eat salad (mainly cucumbers and lettuce), carrots at times, corn, spinach, peas but that’s about it.

My mother used to cook vegetables, when I was small, but it would always be with meat. So my diet, as a child, was more meat and a very small quantity of vegetables. My husband, on the other hand, didn’t eat vegetables and still doesn’t like them but is trying to (and has a lot) change his diet and he wants our children to get used to eating vegetables. But it is not easy picking out their food for them and forcing them to eat something they don’t want to!

Here is a nice article from about.com by: Vincent Iannelli, M.D

If there is one thing that parents could change about their child’s eating habits, it would usually be to get them to eat more vegetables. Most kids, even picky eaters, do fine with all of the other food groups – but vegetables are often an issue in many households.

How do you get kids to eat more vegetables?

Do your kids need to eat vegetables?

Vegetables

Vegetables are an important food group and a key part of the food pyramid, so ideally, your kids would eat some each day.

In addition to being high in fiber, most vegetables are low in calories, low in fat, and don’t have any cholesterol. Most are also important sources of many vitamins and minerals, including calcium, potassium, vitamin c, and vitamin A.

Eating fruits and vegetables can also decrease a person’s chances of developing many chronic diseases, including type 2 diabetes, stroke, some types of cancer, and may even help prevent cardiovascular disease and high blood pressure. 

Vegetable Recommendations

One of the first questions parents have about vegetables is how many do their kids actually need to eat each day.  

Following the food pyramid, some general recommendations include that:

2- to 3-year-old children eat 1 cup of vegetables each day
4- to 8-year-old children eat 1 1/2 cups of vegetables each day
9- to 13-year-old girls eat 2 cups of vegetables each day
14- to 18-year-old girls eat 2 1/2 cups of vegetables each day
9- to 13-year-old boys eat 2 1/2 cups of vegetables each day
14- to 18-year-old boys eat 3 cups of vegetables each day  

When thinking of serving sizes and daily recommendations for vegetables, keep in mind that 1 cup of vegetables is usually equal to:

  • a medium baked potato
  • a large ear of corn on the cob
  • 3 spears of 5-inch long broccoli
  • 2 medium carrots
  • 2 large stalks of celery
  • 1 cup of cooked vegetables

And since that can be spread over two or three of your child’s meals and perhaps even at a healthy snack, it becomes much more reasonable to think about your kids eating their vegetables each day. 

List of Vegetables

In addition to eating their recommended serving of vegetables each day, it can be important to try to vary the types of vegetables that your child eats so that he gets all the nutrients that different vegetables have to offer. For example, it would be better if your child eats, broccoli, peas, lettuce, carrots, celery, beans, and potatoes, instead of carrots being the only vegetable that he eats.

When serving vegetables to your kids, try to vary their diet and choose different ones from this list of vegetables: 

  • Dark green vegetables (broccoli, greens, spinach, dark green leafy lettuce)
  • Orange vegetables (carrots, pumpkin, sweet potato, winter squash)
  • Dry beans and peas (dry beans, black eyed peas, tofu)
  • Starchy vegetables (corn, green peas, white potatoes)
  • Other vegetables (cabbage, cauliflower, celery, cucumbers, peppers, lettuce, mushrooms, onions, tomatoes, zucchini)

Vegetable Recipes 

You may have to do some experimenting, but you can likely find some fun ways to get your kids to eat more vegetables. For example, it often works to buy fresh vegetables and not overcook them. These vegetables will have a lot of flavor and will still be crunchy, which is a big plus for many kids.

Some popular and kid-friendly vegetable recipes include:

  • vegetable soup
  • vegetable lasagna
  • pizza with vegetable toppings
  • egg omelet with bell peppers, broccoli, spinach, mushrooms or tomatoes
  • sandwiches with lettuce, tomato, cucumbers, bell peppers, or onions as toppings
  • whole grain pasta with vegetables added to the sauce
  • carrots and broccoli with a dip as a snack
  • vegetable wraps  

It can also help to let your kids choose vegetables at the grocery store or farmer’s market, or even grow their own in your backyard.

What about hiding vegetables in your child’s food? This is one way to get your kids to eat more vegetables, but you aren’t really teaching them healthy eating habits. Instead, it can be better to offer your child small amounts of vegetables at each meal, don’t force him to eat them, and model healthy eating habits yourself. 

(See the complete article here) http://pediatrics.about.com/od/nutrition/a/0308_vegetables.htm

Your Relationship with Allah azzawajal Friday, Mar 21 2008 

I was going through some of the old Daughter of Adam magazines and found some really inspirational articles. I thought it would be nice to post them here. This article is by Haleh Banani, mashaAllah, not only she has a Masters in Clinical Psychology but she even knows how to inspire her readers!

——

The experience of having a genuine friend is one of the most precious gifts in the world. However, sometimes that special friend may move thousands of miles away. At times a friend may be disappointing and there are even times that a compatible friend is no where to be found. That is when one realizes that a friendship with Allah azzawjal is the most complete and fulfilling friendship there is.

“Behold! Verily on the ‘Awiliyas’ of Allah there is no fear, nor shall they grieve; those who believe and constantly guard against evil.” (10:62-63)

Having Allah azzawjal as a companions is empowering – imagine the Creator of the heavens and earth, the Most Compassionate, the Most Benevolent, and the most Powerful, is the source of one’s strength.

“To Allah belongs the forces of the heavens and the earth; and Allah is Exalted in Power, Full of Wisdom.” (48:7)

Having Allah azzawjal as a friend means never feeling lonely even when on is alone.

“He is with you whosesoever you may be.” (57:4)

It means feeling safe, secure and serene.

“It is He who sent down Tranquility into the hearts of the believers, that they may add faith to their faith.” (48:4)

The ever-lasting stability of Allah azzawjal establishes a firm sense of security and comfort in a world filled with instability and inconsistency.

“For Allah is Lord of Power-steadfast forever.” (51:58)

A friendship with Allah azzawjal has no limitations, no hidden dangers and no risks. It is pure and unadulterated. The more we call upon Allah azzawjal the more eager He is to help us. He is the only one truly capable of forgiving.

“He is the One that accepts repentance from His servants and forgives sins: And He knows that you do.” (42:25)

“Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: For Allah forgives all sins: for He is oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” (39:53)

He azzawjal not only gives us a second chance, He gives us hundreds and thousands of chances. He is the Ever living, the all Seeing, the all Hearing.

“It is He who hears all things, and is ever near.” (34:50)

Friendship with Allah azzwajal means never being misunderstood for He hears the inner thoughts. In a world where people judge so harshly Allah azzawjal is the only One that looks deep within our hearts to see our intentions.

“He knows what you conceal and what you reveal: Allah knows well the secrets of all hearts.” (64:4)

Allah azzawjal is the “trustworthiest” Companion. He listens earnestly to our complaints and provides answers and eases our hearts.

“He listens to those who believe and do deeds of righteousness, and gives them increase of His Bounty.” (42:26)

When one turns to Allah azzawjal in sadness, anger or at times of disappointment one can avoid the sins of gossiping, yelling and wailing. Turing to Allah azzawjal when the heart is filled with joy is a manifestation of gratitude and appreciation. As dependence on Allah azzawjal increases one gains independence from His creation.

“And He found you in need, and made you independent.” (93:8)

This newfound independence liberates us from the shackles of society and from being a slave to a multitude of masters.

There is full confidentiality when sharing secrets and aspirations with Allah azzawjal. By putting all trust in Allah there is a feeling of protection.

“There is no god but He: and on Allah, therefore, let the believers put their trust.” (64:13)

Unlike the masses, Allah azzawjal will always keep His promises.

“Allah’s promise is true and whose word can be truer than Allah’s.” (4:122)

The unique friendship with Allah azzawjal is free of all the obstacles that usually exist in a relationship and is filled with endless benefits. May we all discover the hidden treasures of choosing Allah azzawjal first and foremost as our closest friend, amen.

Tired of ECZEMA!! Thursday, Feb 28 2008 

 The following brochure is personally written by my daughter’s allergy specialist. My daughter severely suffered though eczema for almost 10 years. Then, by Allah’s Mercy, I found this doctor for her. Alhamdullilah, Allah has blessed him with much knowledge and experience in his field. He is the head of the research department of Allergy and Immunology at Alferd I. Dupont Hospital for Children. This brochure is very very useful for all those who know the pain of eczema, both for the child and the parents!

ATOPIC DERMATITIS 

What is it?

Atopic dermatitis is a chronic skin disease. It is not contagious, and cannot be passed from one person to another. “Atopic” refers to a group of diseases where one has an inherited tendency to develop allergic conditions, such as asthma or hay fever. “Dermatitis” means inflammation of the skin.

Eczema is a general term used to describe inflammation of the skin. Atopic dermatitis is the most common type of eczema. In atopic dermatitis, the skin becomes extremely itchy. Scratching leads to redness, swelling, cracking and weeping of clear fluid from the area. The skin ultimately crusts and scales.

What can you expect in future?

In most cases, there are periods of time when the disease is worse (called exacerbations of flares) followed by periods when the skin improves or clears up entirely (called remissions).

As some children with atopic dermatitis grow older, their skin disease improves or disappears altogether, but their skin may remain dry or easily irritated. In other children, atopic dermatitis continues to be a significant problem into adulthood.

How can we treat atopic Dermatitis?

There are two major goals in atopic dermatitis management:
1. Prevention of inflammation

2. Treatment of inflammation 

PREVENTION OF SKIN INFLAMMATION:

We need to prevent factors that lead to skin inflammation such as:

  • Strictly avoid any food to which you child is allergic. Also avoid any airborne allergen (pollen, dust) that he/she is allergic to.
  • Avoid a smoking environment.
  • Prevent skin dryness (see instructions below)
  • Prevent or immediately treat skin and other infections. Use bactroban on any broken skin, under the nails and around nostrils.
  • Avoid extreme hot or cold temperature, especially overheating since this causes sweating and may make the AD worse. (See Table 1)
  • Avoid flare-ups of asthma and seasonal allergies.
  • Prevent scratching (see Table 2)

TABLE 1: How to Avoid Overheating 

  1. Wear 1-2 thin layers of clothing only.
  2. Try to wear summer clothing throughout the year.
  3. Keep bed covers to a minimum (one sheet in summer, an extra cotton blanket in winter)
  4. Avoid heaters in the bedroom and keep the house cool (around 68 F)

TABLE 2: How to Prevent Scratching:

    • Be aware of the scratching. Keep a record in a diary/calendar of times and situations when this is the worst. Try to limit your exposure to such situations.
    • Change clothes as quickly as possible.
    • Control itching without damaging the skin by teaching your child to press a finger or thumb into the skin.
    • Keep their hands occupied while they are watching TV or changing clothes.
    • Never leave the child unsupervised in the first 4 days of a flare-up.
    • Remember to reward your child by praising him/her for not scratching their skin.
    • Never say “stop scratching”. All interventions should be positive.
    • If your child starts to scratch, try to actively distract him/her by talking and playing. This is most important after applying medicated creams. Play with you child intensively for next 10 minutes.
    • Night time scratching diminishes as scratching stops during the day.

Why skin dries so badly in Atopic Dermatitis?

Children with atopic dermatitis have increased water loss and decreased ability to bind water in their skin. This leads to skin stretching, which makes children want to scratch. Scratching causes further itching, dryness & damage to the skin. 

How can we Prevent Dry Skin?

The goal is to restore the water content of the skin and prevent further water loss.

  • This is achieved by:
    Daily lukewarm bath for 10-15 minutes (cleanses & moisturizes the skin).
  • Add 8 teaspoons of salt, baking soda or aveeno to the bath water. Keep the water out of the eyes.
  • Use mild, low acidity cleansers (like Cetaphil). Do not use cleansers or moisturizers with alcohol.
  • DO NOT allow the skin to become dry after bathing. Pat the skin lightly and gently with a towel. While the skin is still DAMP, immediately apply the moisturizer to avoid water loss. Aquaphor or Crisco are good initial choices.

How do I Apply the Moisturizer or Prescription Creams?

LIGHTLY: pressure or rubbing can stimulate further inflammation.

GENTLY: reddened, cracked skin is brittle and dry- DO NOT RUB.

THINLY: a thick layer can trap heat and cause inflammation

FREQUENTLY: emollients prevent dryness, not treat dryness.

Remember: apply medicated cream BEFORE the moisturizer (to seal the skin with the medicated cream) 

How often should my child be bathed?

DAILY!!

Bathing, followed immediately by applying moisturizers, not only helps reduce skin dryness, but also lowers the level of germs in the rash area. Bathing also allows you as a parent or caregiver to take a little time out from a busy day to inspect your child’s skin. Not to mention that bath time is a fun time to interact with your child. It may take some time to settle on a bathing routine that fits in with your schedule and to determine which moisturizers and medications work best. Be patient.

Remember, when you control the itch, it makes the eczema so much easier to manage!

What else should I Remember about Skin Care?

  • Avoid large containers of moisturizers. They can eventually harbor bacteria.
  • Use unscented, mild, liquid laundry detergent. Avoid ALL types of fabric softeners.
  • Rinse clothing and bedding twice to remove detergent residue.
  • Wash new clothes/beddings prior to using
  • Avoid irritants, such as smoke or heavy perfumes
  • Keep well hydrated- your child should drink water during the day, especially before and after exercise, or when experiencing a fever.
  • Use air conditioning in hot weather and keep your child indoors as much as possible to prevent sweating and the itchiness it causes.
  • Use sun screen
  • Avoid skin contact with rough materials such as wool and sand. The skin is very sensitive and reactive to these. Your child should wear soft, thin cotton materials. Do not wear wool if you are holding your child. Place a cotton diaper over your shoulder. You may notice that your child itches more after crawling around on a wool rug.
  • Saliva is the main irritant in childhood eczema. To avoid this irritation, regularly apply a thick moisturizer such as soft and liquid paraffin, especially before eating food. 

TREATMENT OF SKIN INFLAMMATION:

1.      Stop the Itch:

    • Itching is a vicious cycle that must be broken.
    • Scratching stimulates a type of cell in the skin called “Keratinocytes” that produces chemicals that causes FURTHER itching and inflammation. To break the cycle, skin must be restored to the texture of normal skin. (PREVENTION IS THE KEY!)
    • Anti-itch medication by mouth also help, like Atarax, Peractin or Benadryl.
    • Medications sometimes loose their effectiveness after 6-12 weeks of usage. If this occurs, rotate the medications for maximum benefit.
  1. Medicated Creams:
    Method of medicated cream application: Steroid creams should not be applied more than twice daily (only once a day for the newer preparations). Cover the area of eczema evenly with a fine film of ointment so that the surface of the skin glistens in the light. The amount to apply is in ‘fingertip units’. The amount of strong topical steroid applied on a small child should nto be more than 20g in a wekk. If more is used, the natural steroid production in the body will be suppressed. 

ATOPOIC DERMATITIS FLARE:
How is this treated?

3 level treatment:

1. Skin care as described above

2. Use of antibiotics by mouth or applied to the skin, as prescribed by the doctor.

3. Use of steroids prescribed by the doctor.

What About Follow-ups?

  • After the acute flare-up completely stops, continue with regular skin care measures along with low potency anti-inflammatory medication cream for some time.
  • Beware of relapses.
  • Recently healed chronic eczema remains unstable for several weeks.
  • Therefore, look at and feel the skin daily for

Itchiness

Dryness

Redness

Broken skin

  • When an acute flare-up is identified, consult doctor and treat IMMEDIATELY.
  • The sooner you begin aggressive treatment, the sooner the skin will heal and less steroid will be required.
  • As time progresses the skin becomes more stable.

 

An Effective Teacher Part 2 Monday, Feb 25 2008 

“If you dare to teach, then you must dare to learn” this is how Harry Wong has summarized his book in just one sentence. His book is not a ‘plan’ or a ‘model’ but full of suggestions and experiences of other ‘successful’ teachers.

First chapter is about being an ‘effective teacher. Here is a brief summary:

Key Idea:

A. Your success during the school year will be determined by what you do on the first days of school. This day will either make you or break you!

B. Student achievement at the end of the year is directly related to the degree to which the teacher establishes good control of the classroom procedures in the very first week.

Effective & Efficient:
Being ‘efficient’ means to do things right.

Being ‘effective’ means to do the right thing consistently!

Four Stages of Teaching:
a.
Don’t fantasize that you are a ‘perfect’ teacher. This will close the doors on you of learning and improving.

b. Don’t ‘survive’ teaching. If you are not ‘enjoying’ it then quit!

c. Employ “effective” practices to achieve student success. Manage classroom, teach for mastery, and have high expectations. This can only happen by reading and relating to professionals.

d. Impact your students’ lives. Open the door of learning.

*Effective teachers Affect Lives*

The Effective Teacher:
1. Has positive expectations for students

2. Is an extremely good classroom manager

3. Knows how to design lessons for student mastery.

4. MAKES himself/herself do the things that unsuccessful people will not do.

5. Teaches students how to ‘think’.

6. Is adaptable and flexible

7. Listens

8. Understands how and why research is done.

9. Learns from others and seeks out mentor as a role model.

10. Has a goal of striving for excellence.

 

(The following is from Dr. Mamdouh Muhammad’s lectures for the same class):

FOUR MAJOR CHARACTERISTICS OF AN EFFECTIVE TEACHER

  1. Knowledge of a scholar
  2. Design of an engineer or the practice of a surgeon
  3. Attitude of a merciful parent
  4. Managing ability of a team leader or CEO

1. Knowledge
A teacher should be very qualified and have adequate knowledge to the degree of a ‘scholar’ depending on the area where s/he teaches or depending on the level of students, like high school students, or elementary school students.

Knowledge is crucial in teaching. If a teacher lacks knowledge of the content or the subject of his/her teaching, s/he will be perplexed when students ask and teacher is not able to answer.

However, even a very knowledgeable teacher can come across questions that s/he cannot answer, but a ‘knowledgeable’ teacher is able to handle the situation confidently, whereas a teacher who lacks knowledge lacks confidence too and this can lead the situation out of his her control. In other words, learning should be an ongoing process for a successful teacher.

Problem: Teachers don’t keep up with the new knowledge in their filed once they gain some experience.

2. Ability to Design an Effective Lesson Plan.

This design method is called ‘instructional designer’ or ‘instructional technology’.

How a teacher designs lessons will directly affect his/her teaching method.

Teacher needs to get the ability of how to design the lesson, starting form the goal and the skills that will be integrated, and the subject matter or content that will be presented, and the evaluation of how to evaluate and how students can benefit in ‘real’ life.This area needs a lot of hard work on a teacher’s part.

Designing is one part but practice is another issue. Design can be very well but in practice it may not work so teachers need to design and then practice to see if it works. In fact, one of the definitions of teacher is ‘knowledge carrier in action’. They need to see the knowledge acting and working in real situation in real classroom.

The other aspect is how to practice or how to present the lesson plan to the students.

Practice is different from designing and these two are totally different from knowledge.

Many teachers may have a lot of knowledge, very adequate for the level they teach at, but they cannot easily design a plan to present to their students. Or even if they are able to design they cannot practice it well. Sometimes other teachers work better in classes on their own better then those who actually develop the lesson plan.

An important advice: Steal and learn from other teachers how to apply knowledge and design lesson plan.

Practice, however, is another profession of a teacher. Knowledge is acquired when a teacher is studying at college or university. Designing can also be achieved there too. However, practice is from experience.

Practice also requires being skillful like a surgeon because they are in a more delicate situation then a surgeon! They are handling a human personality, a human brain and the minds of their students. These valuable human beings will be effected by whatever practice the teachers carry out during the teaching.

3. Attitude of a Merciful Parent:

This characteristic has nothing to do with 1 or 2 or practice.

Ø Teachers need the attitude of a loving, merciful, ambitious parent.

Ø The teachers need to be positive in every aspect, when they present the content, positive when they integrate the skill, positive when they comment on students, positive on the feed back on evaluation or assignments, positive on high expectations.

Ø One of the teachers’ jobs is to provide and prepare their students for the next level and do whatever is needed to take them from one academic level to a higher level. This requires teachers to realize and learn “Individual Differences”.

“Individual differences” is to remember that it is impossible in the whole world to find students of identical characteristics. Every student has specific needs, good and weak points.

So a teacher should not have ‘one’ standard level for all students. A good teacher is the one who mobilizes the abilities of a student and raise them higher then the current level that they are at. But if a teacher put one standard for all students, it means he/she is depriving important and good skillful advance students from learning more.

That’s why one of the more challenging situations is to deal with different level students and address their needs. This requires a lot of experience and there are many techniques that can be learned from other teachers.

Without the positive expectations, the skills of a student may not increase a lot which is a great loss not only for the school but for the whole nation in general because the teacher didn’t utilize all the potential of the students in the area that they were skillful at.

Ø Also, a teacher must be fair, academically and morally, with all students. Teachers must learn how to control their emotion and neutralize emotions when dealing with students regardless of their race, color, or nationality. Remember the Islamic principle: ‘be fair because this is the closest to piety’!

Ø Teacher must also be a helper and guide to each and every student.

4. Managing Ability:

Teacher must know how to manage and control the classroom like a team leader or a CEO of a company. If the teacher cannot manage the time and behavior of the students, s/he may not be able to fulfill the goals of the curriculum of the course.

To sum up about these four skills of an effective teacher, the teacher must have the patience to gain these skills, it doesn’t happen overnight. Kalmaza’ is referred to in Arabic to the skill of watching other teachers and learning from them their teaching skills.

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