HAYA- What’s ‘dupatta’ gotta do with it? Tuesday, Jul 31 2007 

Muslim matters has an interesting discussion going on here. Although the series brings out a lot of issues, one particular that interested me was the issue of ‘haya’. More specifically, haya in terms of clothing among girls especially the way Indo-Pakis view it.

Last Tuesday, during our study circle, some of the Pakistani mothers brought up an issue of raising their teenage daughters. Among their concerns was the dress code at home. Basically, the mothers want the daughters to be dressed modestly at home, i.e. no shorts or sleeveless and prefer if they keep themselves wrapped with a ‘dupatta’ (piece of cloth used to cover from shoulders down to the chest i.e. the places of ‘zeenah’). I wasn’t surprised because I myself come from a Pakistani background. However, I was surprised because the mothers were trying to find an ‘islamic’ excuse to enforce their daughters to do so in the name of ‘haya’ and modesty. They were concerned that if they let their daughters roam around the house in shorts (up to their knees or below) or sleeveless then they will lose from their modesty.

These girls, those mothers were talking about, are quite friendly with me. They had spoken to me before about this problem. They wanted me to convince their mothers to allow them to be ‘comfortable’ at home as long as they don’t cross their limits Islamically. I sort of found myself stuck in a ‘battle’ between mothers and daughters on this issue!


However, I must admit: I am on the daughters’ side on this issue. These girls, mashaAllah, properly cover themselves when they step out of their homes, some even cover MORE then their mothers. They are very modest and shy in public. Since, I believe that they are observing their ‘haya’ at the right place, I believe they should be allowed a bit more freedom at home. For instance, one of these girls was taking a Qur’an class with the Imam of our Masjid. Since she was going to sit in front of the Imam, she felt so shy that she borrowed my niqaab! If the same girl wants to wear shorts (up to her knees or below) or sleeveless at home, I honestly do not see any problem with that.  

I tried to convince their mothers that they must keep in minds that their daughters are not growing up back home where every girl covers herself with a ‘dupatta’ (although now-a-days the purpose is totally defeated). If these girls are covering themselves properly in public places, then they should be given the freedom at home at least. Secondly, haya is not bound and limited to a ‘dupatta’ alone because if this was the case then all the Arab ladies will be considered shameless!

Some mothers seemed convinced but some were still hesitant. Since, I am fairly close to these mothers too, I could give them my honest opinion on this. I truly hope they think about it because it is a quite serious matter for their daughters.

It is quite interesting though, that this is a general trend among many Indian/Pakistani families. The girls are brought up in a certain way and with a certain dress code at home. The mothers themselves are not comfortable with their daughters being dressed in a “different” way at home because of their own upbringing and the environment they had seen around them. However, now that they raise their daughters in Western lands, I honestly believe that they need to realize the difference of place and time.

It could raise a number of problems. Firstly, the daughters may rebel, especially if they feel that they already fight a battle outside their homes with their hijabs & jilbabs then why can’t they be “comfortable” at homes.

Secondly and more seriously, it may arouse marital problems later in their lives. If the mothers successfully instill this shyness, allow me to call it ‘extra’ shyness, and then the girls may not be able to dress/act in certain ways in front of their husbands leading to intimacy problems. I know of some of my Pakistani friends who couldn’t even wear a nighty just because they felt ‘too shy’!

One respected Arab sister, who is a marriage counselor in Houston, asked me once why Pakistani girls were so shy. She told me how majority of the time newly wed Pakistanis have intimacy issues just because girls are too shy and can’t comply with their husbands’ demands. I think my dear Pakistani mothers must keep in mind that the boys who will be marrying their daughters are not those boys anymore who would be content with their wives if they simply put some makeup and jewelry on. Unfortunately, not only time has changed but even the environment around our youth.

Allah’s Mercy Knows No Bounds Monday, Jul 30 2007 

This is a very nice reminder from my cousin. Indeed, we tend to forget about the Mercy of our God. How can anyone claim that Muslim’s God is not Merciful. I have heard/read about this often, as if all the Mercy is only shown or talked about in other faiths and Islam only deals with horrible punishments. InshaAllah one of these days, I wanted to compile some of the beautiful names of Allah azzawjal and show that most of His Names and Attributes are indeed about Mercy and forgiveness.

——–

By: Asma Saiyed

It was Ramadaan. The Haram was absolutely jam packed. It seemed almost like Hajj. But that day I thought I could beat the crowds. I wanted to pray in the courtyard in front of the Kaa’ba. I thought if I could get there in the middle of the day, right after dhuhr, I could probably go before every body else and find a good spot to pray. So instead of praying in my usual spot, I decided to head for the courtyard. However I had walked only a few feet when I realized my mistake. The courtyard was already full. Everyone had already taken their places for salaah and there was no way I could even dream of finding a spot there. So I decided to go back. But that was also an utterly fruitless effort. People had already gathered behind me in a long line and there was no chance for me to go back. I looked hopelessly to my right and then to my left but, to my disappointment, all I could see were rows and rows of men and there was absolutely no place to go. I was stuck!

And then to my dismay they called the adhaan. It was then that I started to panic. All I wanted to do was to find a nice spot to pray, but there I was, stuck in the middle of the crowds with absolutely no place to even move an inch! How could I pray at that spot in the middle of all the men?!! A feeling of urgent desperation overcame me and shaytaan started to play with my mind and I started to despair.

How unfortunate I was! There I was, standing in the middle of the Haram, in Ramadaan, wanting to pray and yet I couldn’t! Maybe I wasn’t given the opportunity to pray in the best spot because of my previous sins, I sadly thought to myself. All the mistakes of my flawed past came rushing to my mind. I thought of the many times I had disobeyed Allaah, the way I had broken His Laws and the times I didn’t value His Limits, oh…how I did not practice Islaam the way I was supposed to.

I felt that Allaah had rejected me and didn’t think of me as even worthy of praying 4 rakaah in His Masjid. He has deprived me of the tawfeeq and the honor to pray at His House, the Kaa’ba. I felt weak, miserable, hopeless and depressed. But then, all of a sudden, I looked up and there it was, on one of the pillars of the Masjid, an Ayah of the Qur’aan was inscribed, one of the most beautiful ayah that I had ever read in my life!

I felt like that ayah was there for ME…It was meant to be read by ME. My heart was absolutely overcome and I started to cry. It was the ayah from Surah az-Zumar :

قُلْ يَا عِبَادِيَ الَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلَى أَنفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا مِن رَّحْمَةِ اللَّهِ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًا إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ

“Say: ‘O My worshipers, who have sinned excessively against themselves, DESPAIR NOT of the Mercy of Allah! Verily, Allah forgives all sins. He is the Forgiver, the Most Merciful.”

Subhaan Allaah! Can there be an Ayah more beautiful than this??!! Seeing the ayah right there, just when I needed it the most was just too much for me. I cried and I cried. I had the irresistible urge to prostrate to Allaah subhaaahu wa t’ala right then and there and beg Him to forgive me…beg Him to overlook my mistakes and shortcomings. How ungrateful I was!

For indeed it is His Mercy that encompasses all. And it is His Mercy that forgives all. All it takes from us is just one sincere repentance and He will forgive us. After all, isn’t He ar-Rahmaan and ar-Raheem? No matter how big the sin or sins that you have committed, no matter what your past has been like, if you come back to Him with one sincere, sincere tauba, coming from the heart, He will forgive you.

The Prophet (sallallahu alihi wasalam) said: “Allaah says, ‘O son of Adam, so long as you call on Me and put your hope in Me, I will forgive whatever you have done, and I will not mind. O son of Adam, even if your sins were to reach the clouds of the sky, then you were to seek My forgiveness, I would forgive you and I will not mind. O son of Adam, if you were to come to me with an earth full of sins, and you were to meet Me not associating anything in worship with Me, I will come to you with an earth full of forgiveness.’” (Tirmidhi– hasan).

Surely, the Bounty of Allaah is immense and He is the Most Merciful of those who show mercy. His Mercy is the greatest…greater than His Wrath and greater than the greatest of our sins. Indeed He is more merciful to us than a mother towards her child. So never, ever despair or lose hope. If you repent sincerely, it will wipe out whatever came before it.

“O you who believe! Turn to Allaah with sincere repentance! It may be that your Lord will expiate from you your sins, and admit you into Gardens under which rivers flow.” (Surah at-Tahreem:8)

Be aware of the Greatness of the One against Whom you are sinning, seek forgiveness for your sins, weep for the error of your past ways and adhere strictly to the path of Allaah. And do beware of despairing of the Mercy of Allaah. It is one of the traps of Shaytaan.

“And who despairs of the mercy of his Lord, but those who go astray?” (Surah al-Hijr:56)

“Say (O Muhammad SAW): “To whom belongs all that is in the heavens and the earth?” Say: “To Allâh. He has prescribed Mercy for Himself…” (6:12)

What is it with Mothers? Saturday, Jul 28 2007 

When I was small, I was very attached to my mother. But as I grew older, I realized that I and my mother are practically from different planets, especially when I was in high school. I think she believed I was growing up in Pakistan! I begged, pleaded, cried, and threw tantrums (I guess I didn’t try food boycott…it might have worked) but, mashaAllah, Allah azzawjal has made my mother very persistent.

Time passed by and I got married, alhamdullilah, in a rather early age 🙂 Then, I had my own life, my freedom, my way of living my life! I enjoyed it and I loved it. My disagreements with my mother didn’t reconciliate rather increased, especially when I had my own children. I had ‘my way’ of raising them. (more…)

Pearls of Wisdom Friday, Jul 27 2007 

BETWEEN HOPE AND FEAR:

Sufyaan Ibn ’Uyaynah (d.198H) – rahimahullaah – said:
“He whose sin is due to desire, then have hope for him; and he whose sin is due to pride, then fear for him. Because Aadam (’alayhis-salaam) sinned due to desire, and he was forgiven; and Iblees sinned due to pride, and he was cursed.” [1]

SIGNS OF TRUE BROTHERHOOD:

’Alee Ibn Abee Taalib (radiyallaahu ’anhu) said:
“Your brother is one who – if he brings a calamity upon you sometimes, then he does not cease having mercy upon you. Your brother is not the one who – if your affairs become disrupted – starts abusing and insulting you.” [2]

DIMINISHING PIETY:

Imaam al-Hasan al-Basree (d.110H) – rahimahullaah – said, when he came across a group of people disputing:
“These ones have become tired of worship, speaking has become easy for them, and their piety has diminished, and that is why they talk.” [3]

Iyaas Ibn Mu’aawiyah (d.122H) – rahimahullaah – said:
“There is no one who does not know his own faults, except that he is stupid.” It was said to him, ‘Then what is your shortcoming?’ He said, “Too much talk.” [4]

THE SHIELD OF THE SCHOLAR:

Imaam Maalik Ibn Anas (d.179H) – rahimahullaah – said:
“The shield of the scholar is saying, ‘I do not know.’ So if he forgets it, then his enemies strike him!” [5]

Al-Haytham Ibn Jameel said:
“I heard Maalik being asked about forty-eight questions, he replied to thirty-two of them saying, ‘I do not know.’” [6]

’Abdur-Rahmaan Ibn Mahdee (d.198H) – rahimahullaah – said:
“We were with Maalik Ibn Anas when a man came saying, ‘O Abaa ’Abdullaah, I have traveled a distance of six months. The people of my land sent me to ask you about a matter.’ So he said, ‘Ask!’ So the man asked him some things, so he replied, ‘I do not know.’ – and the man thought he had come to someone who knew everything, so he said, ‘What shall I tell the people of my land when I return to them?’ He said, ‘Say to them, Maalik Ibn Anas does not know.’” [7]

BENEFICIAL KNOWLEDGE OR MERE TALK:

Ibn Mas’ood (radiyallaahu ’anhu) said:
“You are in a time whose scholars are many, and its speakers are few. After you will come a time whose scholars are few, and whose speakers are many.” [8]

PROFIT IN THE HEREAFTER:

’Awn Ibn ’Abdullaah (d.120H) – rahimahullaah – said:
“Three are from eemaan (faith): modesty, chastity, and withholding the tongue – not the heart, nor the actions – since these are things that bring profit in the Hereafter, and loss in this life. And whatever is gained in the Hereafter is greater than whatever is lost in this life.” [9]

Footnotes:

[1] Related by Imaam adh-Dhahabee in Siyar A’laamun-Nubalaa (8/471).
[2] Related by Ibn Katheer in al-Bidaayah wan-Nihaayah (7/128)
[3] Related by Ahmad in az-Zuhd (p. 272) and by Aboo Nu’aym in al-Hilyatul-Awliyaa (2/156)
[4] Related by Aboo Nu’aym al-Asbahaanee in al-Hilyatul-Awliyaa (3/124)
[5] Hilyatul-Awliyaa (6/323)
[6] Related by Ibn ’Abdul-Barr in al-Jaami’ul-Bayaanil-’Ilm wa –Fadlihi (2/25)
[7] Related by Ibn Abee Haatim in al-Jarh wat-Ta’deel (1/17)
[8] Related by at-Tabaraanee in al-Kabeer (no. 8066), and by al-Bukhaaree in al-Adabul-Mufrad (no. 789), and by al-Haafidh Ibn Hajar in Fathul-Baaree (10/1510) who declared it authentic.
[9] Related by ’Abdur-Razzaaq in his Musannaf (11/142), and the chain of narrators in authentic.

`Ali ibn Abi Talib said:
“Whoever has the following six characteristics does all that is required to make him enter Paradise and avoid Hell: to know Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala and obey him, to know Satan and disobey him, to know the truth and follow it, to know the falsehood and avoid it, to know the life of this world and renounce it, and to know the Hereafter and seek it.”

 

 

“When Allah Loves the People of a Household, He Introduces Kindness among Them” Tuesday, Jul 24 2007 

Another article from an old Daughters of Adam. I didn’t write it, a friend of mine who now lives in Medina…

——

By Umm Yumn

 

A friend told me that once she was walking to a masjid in a Muslim country and she saw an older, bearded Muslim man wearing a flowing thoub, miswak in mouth, musshaf in hand. She was just saying masha’Allah and thinking what a grand scholar he must be when a kitten happened to cross his path. She told me that, instead of simply walking around the kitten or waiting for it to pass, a leg shot out from his thoub and sent the kitten flying in the air. When he saw someone had seen him, he scurried off in another direction. (more…)

From the Sayings of Shaikh-ul-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah Sunday, Jul 22 2007 

Ibn Taymiyyah (rahimuhullah) amazes me…some of his inspirational words…

 

 

Every Punishment from Him is pure justice and every blessing from Him is pure grace.
(Majmoo-ul-Fataawaa, 10/85)

Whoever desires everlasting bliss, let him adhere firmly to the threshold of servitude.
(Ibn al-Qayyim, al-Madaarij 1/531)

The Lord loves to be Loved. (Majmoo-ul-Fataawaa, 1/54)

Guidance is not attained except with knowledge and correct direction is not attained except with patience. (Majmoo-ul-Fataawaa, 10/40)

In this world there is a Paradise, whoever does not enter it will not enter the Paradise of the Hereafter. (Ibn al-Qayyim, al-Qaabil, p.69)

The one who is (truly) imprisoned is the one whose heart is imprisoned from Allaah and the captivated one is the one whose desires have enslaved him. (Ibn al-Qayyim, al-Qaabil, p,69)

This whole religion revolves around knowing the truth and acting by it, and action must be accompanied by patience. (Majmoo-ul-Fataawaa, 10/38)

Worship is founded upon the Legal Law and following it, not upon ones base desires and innovation. (Majmoo-ul-Fataawaa, 1/80)

The more the servant loves his Master, the less he will love other objects and they will decrease in number. The less the servant loves his Master, the more he will love other objects and they will increase in number. (Majmoo-ul-Fataawaa, 1/94)

Perpetually is the servant either the recipient of a blessing from Allaah, in which case he is need of gratitude; or he is the perpetrator of sin, in which case he is in need of repentance; he is always moving from one blessing to another and is always is in need of repentance. (Majmoo-ul-Fataawaa, 10/88)

Sins cause harm and repentance removes the cause. (Majmoo-ul-Fataawaa, 10/255)

Bearing witness to Tawheed opens the door of good and repentance from sins closes the door to evil. (Majmoo-ul-Fataawaa, 10/256)

The Jihaad against the soul is the foundation for the jihad against the disbelievers and hypocrites. (Ibn al-Qayyim, ar-Rawdah, p.478)

A man will never fear something besides Allaah unless it be due to a disease in his heart. (al-Bazzaar, p.74)

Trials and tribulation are feeling the heat and the cold, when one knows that they cannot be avoided, he will not feel anger at their onset, nor will he be distressed of disheartened. (Ibn al-Qayyim, al-Madaarij 3/289)

The perfection of Tawheed is found when there remains nothing in the heart except Allaah, the servant is left loving those He loves and What He loves, hating those He hates and what He hates, showing allegiance to those He has allegiance to, showing enmity towards those He shows enmity towards, ordering what He orders and prohibiting what He prohibits. (Ibn al-Qayyim, al-Madaarij 3/485)

In this world, man finds remembrance of Allaah, praising Him and worshipping him, a delight that is incomparable to anything else. (Minhaj as-Sunnah, 5/389)

The objective of asceticism is to leave all that harms the servants Hereafter and the objective of worship is to do all that will benefit his Hereafter. (Majmoo-ul-Fataawaa, 14/458)

Sins are like chains and locks preventing their perpetrator from roaming the vast garden of Tawheed and reaping the fruits of righteous actions. (Majmoo-ul-Fataawaa, 14/49)

What can my enemies do to me? I have in my breast both my heaven and my garden. If I travel they are with me, never leaving me. Imprisonment for me is a chance to be alone with my Lord. To be killed is martyrdom and to be exiled from my land is a spiritual journey. (Ibn al-Qayyim, Waabil, p.69)

Still Alive! Friday, Jul 20 2007 

JazakAllah khair to all those who sent concerned emails about me. I am very much alive alhamdullilah, just hadn’t have time or inspiration to write anything. InshaAllah I will try to keep y’all posted!